This sudden cold weather took me by surprise. Woke to our first snowfall of the season, just a gentle dusting that will melt off as soon as the sun hits it. I found myself searching for a sweater, even though the thermostat is set at 68.
My bedroom is chaotic. Totes filled with clothing of every size. For a chubby girl, I was probably at my healthiest when we conceived Sarah. And at the end of the pregnancy, despite gaining a good number of pounds, I weighed what I did on my wedding day.
Turns out that when you lose a baby, no one asks for her stats. The jumble of numbers that define health. And I never asked. I had to go online and look at my medical records to learn.
I find myself describing her as "perfect." Ten toes, ten fingers. A tiny cleft chin just like her brother and sister. So much dark hair. And not til you flipped her over could you see the long sacral dimple deformity.
On my computer sits the incomplete birth announcement. It was waiting for those vital stats. Height, weight, date and time of birth. And of course, a photo. It seems wrong to fill it in now even though the details are true.
8lbs, 11oz. 21 inches long. Born at 10:26pm on the last day of October, 2012.
Love you so much.
ReplyDeleteI know it's not mine to ask, but I would love a copy of the birth announcement to have and to keep. When you're ready. I love you.
ReplyDeleteI was born at 10:26pm. It's silly, but this makes me feel closer to her.
ReplyDelete