Joe adjusted his work hours this fall so he could take Jonah to the bus stop. Initially because waddling up the street and around the corner was going to be hard for me. And then of course, bundling up me, Jonah, Rachel and Sarah was going to be an ordeal for the winter.
We both had a moment of surprise and sadness when we realized that we could go back to him working 7am-3pm.
Its these little things that set me off. I'm a planner. I need to know what life is going to look like. I expected the winter to be a snugglefest with me, Rach and Sarah. That we'd emerge from our cocoon in the early spring, ready to tackle the world. My expectations of life with a newborn are pretty simple, so we had no vacations planned, no trips. And in about a year, we have three weddings to attend. I had already been plotting about which ones we could go to with all three kids and which ones we'd try to go alone.
Now I'm not sure. I don't know what the next few months are going to be. In some ways, so less restrictive. And I'm already struggling with the guilt of knowing that things will be easier to manage with just a Rachel and a Jonah to balance.
I just came across your blog today. So many of your thoughts and feelings are exactly as my own. Our William Thomas, after what had been a healthy normal pregnancy, hemorrhaged for no explainable reason and was born still at 37 weeks on Nov 9, 2012. I struggle everyday with the guilt that things are easier then they would have otherwise been as I also have a 2 year old and 3 and half year old boy. My thoughts back in the fall "were how will I ever go anywhere with 3 of them during the day when dad is at work?" Will's absence is so loud in our household. All the things that would have been... Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. It helps to know you aren't alone. God Bless. <3
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