Waterside

Our dear friends put together a package of wonderful things for our family to help us with the loss of Sarah. One of those was a gift certificate for a nearby indoor water park - a true treat in this cold, northeast winter. And something we never would have done with a new baby in our family.

The kids had a blast. They splashed, floated and laughed. They raced each other down slides and encouraged the other one to go faster.  And both got a little tougher from the rougher play they now enjoy. Without a doubt, we will be talking about for a very long time.

Our last summer adventure was in the small village of Lake Placid. The kids and I often accompany my husband when he travels, and I had hired a mother's helper to assist. I was 6 months pregnant and couldn't keep up with two non-swimmers in the lake.

Mirror Lake, NY

I made a conscious effort to be present with the kids on this trip. But there were moments where tears were running down my face, recalling our previous water adventures. Rachie screaming in delight as she fed the ducks. Jonah and I making sandcastles, digging moats and having the waves wash them away. My husband joined us in the evening, just before the sun disappeared behind the Adirondack Mountains.

Last summer, all I could do was dream of our family of 5. How Rachel and Sarah would grow up as sisters. Imagining Jonah's shrieks of delight, watching Sarah learn to smile. The new journey of being five.

And this winter? I am mourning it all.