Brave, not Frozen

We're heading off to our level 2 ultrasound in an hour. The AFP test came back as remarkably boring and didn't point to any increased risk for open spina bifida, Down Syndrome or Trisomy 21. But it rarely catches closed spina bifida, which is what happened with Sarah. A level 2 ultrasound may give us a better look - or maybe not. 

I'm trying to remember to breathe. And be present. And to focus on the part where I know there should be an answer: is she a girl or is he a boy? I'm trying to imagine Jonah's face as I tell him, later today. Will Rachel freak out if she has another brother? Will she dress him in tiaras and insist in painting his toes? 

Bravery, for me isn't pretending everything is okay. It's putting one foot in front of the other and continuing to move forward, remembering that no one knows what is ahead of them.