I'm a really private person.
Don't laugh.
I know it's not something you would expect from someone with a public blog, but its sort of like a reality show boiled down to three minutes. I'm showing you snapshots of my one-sided experiences, highly filtered. Everything is true, but I'm choosing to share it.
I'm also really sensitive. I hate making people feel awkward or uncomfortable. To the point where I was at a get together the other day, among friends and a few new people, where we were doing introductions. Almost everyone there knew about Sarah. And I couldn't bring myself to say, "I'm a mom to Jonah and Rachel. And to Sarah that we lost just 4 months ago."
It's true. But what a mood killer is that at an otherwise upbeat event, right? That nagging voice in my head saying, "Don't play the dead baby card." So I didn't. It wasn't the time or the place.
I hated myself just a little for it, though. For being cowardly with the truth. For perpetuating the stigma of death and grief being hidden. Because even among friends, it's not always easy to know what's right, even when it is the truth.
The truth is that this is your truth, your daughter and your grief. We wouldn't dream of telling you how to go about living this truth. We know you are doing what your heart tells you to do. We are just there to help you, hug you, hold you when you need it. No matter if you say Sarah's name or not, we know about her, love her and want to help you remember her, however you see fit.
ReplyDeleteDo what feels right. That's what right for you. Your friends and family are there to support you. It's ok to reach out, or just let the love find you.
ReplyDelete