Hidden family

It has been a whirlwind of a weekend.

It started with a call from my mother, letting me know that she had just called 911 for my dad. He's going to be okay, thank God. And even better, the incident that brought him to the hospital led to them finding another underlying condition that they were able to address with surgery today. Quite a blessing in disguise.

In the meantime, my niece turned nine. I was there at her birth, and its been amazing watching her grow into a young woman. She is lovely and quirky and so self-assured. It is possible she may rule the world, someday.

My brother, sister-in-law and nephews came up for the weekend. My oldest nephew is almost taller than me, at age 10. Wow!

And my sister-in-law has graciously been digging through our family history to build us a tree. I love seeing the old marriage documents, particularly from family that left Eastern Europe and landed in England and changed names and spellings, compounded by sloppy census counters. But the results! Cousins, second cousins. People who have these oddly familiar faces, that I've never met. And more red heads, which make me smile. I look forward to the wonders of Facebook and meeting them, someday.

I'm not sure how the summer is almost over, but time keeps on tickin'...

Thought I heard you talking softly

This came up on my Pandora a few days ago. It's always been one of my favorite Duran Duran songs. And I'm sure I've listened to it a hundred times. But that's the most amazing thing about music - even if you've heard it before, you hear something new in it each time.

And as I try to make my way

To the ordinary world

I will learn to survive

Out

I added Sarah's photo to the mantel this morning. It was time for her to stop hiding in the drawer.

Three and six

Rachie turned three. Jonah lost his first tooth in front of the whale at the Smithsonian Museum of Natural Science and his second just as we were leaving the Jersey Shore. 

We celebrated their birthdays today, in what may be their last joint party. 3 & 6 found common ground in mud (!!) and sprinklers. Jonah asked for a Spider-Man cake and told Rachel she wanted a princess cake.  

We're a month into summer, with 6 weeks to go. Our list of things to accomplish grows each day. Most of the fun stuff involves water and outdoors.

I still need to pull out the 'too small" clothing from the end of the school year and buy Jonah his next raincoat. We bought new sneakers just the other night with less drama than last year.

And Sarah's Garden is blooming like crazy in this heat. The kids know now that I pause each day to walk past and pluck at the weeds and that they cannot rush me. Rachel loves to help me water at night, although she always ends up drenched despite my pleas for her to stay dry. 

Today's party was special and sweet. But the next birthday in our family's will be Sarah's - and I'm challenged to know how to honor her on the day that is shared with Halloween. There will be school parades and evenings of trick-or-treating. How do you visit the cemetery on that day, without the clash of goblins and monsters?

Expect

Jonah's last day of kindergarten is tomorrow, but I snapped the photo yesterday when I had the chance. He and Rach on the top step, dressed similarly to the way they were 10 months ago. 

I think everyone must get a little misty eyed when they send their first kid to school. It's a big step. 

But when I took that September photo, I was thinking about how it would be the first in a long series - and that our June photo would include a chubby cheeked 8 month old girl, with shiny hazel eyes.

Instead, the second photo is just two. Jonah is wearing loud, mismatched socks. Narrower cheeks, more big boy scowl. Rachel in tie dye, her hair missing the sun-kissed blonde streaks.

I want Sarah to be there, in that photo. To be part of the memories that grow.

The story of Sam

Having a hard day. We're bringing my 15 year old cat, Sam, to the vet this morning to be put down. Arthritis, kidney failure, and a tumor in her neck that is starting to obstruct her airway and ability to eat. The vet said she would begin to suffocate soon, and that its not at all peaceful.

Samantha and her brother, Duckie, were found on a farm, likely dumped. I had just started grad school and needed someone soft and fuzzy to cuddle. I called the local vet's office, and they hooked me up with the farmers who had found this duo. A calico and an orange tiger. Sam was named quickly after she would just flop backwards in my arms, spreading her front legs like an eagle. Samantha Eagle, ala the Muppets.  Duckie was shy (later realizing he was feral) and would actually "duck" an incoming hand to avoid being touched. They set the trend for all of our future cats to be named after birds.

Sam has had a good life. Her purr sounds like marbles rolling around in her throat. I can cluck and she perks up immediately, looking for me. She had her own pillow, next to mine, to sleep on. And occasionally, I would sleep on my side and I'd find her perched, up on my hip, balancing precariously. 

I love you Sam.

Jingle

Last spring I ordered a necklace for my husband. I had seen an Etsy artist who made dog tags with stamped names of children on it. It was perfect for my dude.

When I contacted her, I knew that two of the tags would read Jonah and Rachel, but I wanted to be sure that she could make me a third one in October, once we had chosen our next child's name. She assured me that it was an easy add-on.

Since Sarah died, I've thought often about that necklace. Joe had taken it off; it was in a drawer, curled up onto itself. I asked him the other day - do you still like it? Do you want to add Sarah's name?  And of course, he said yes. That just wearing two names just didn't feel right.

So I placed an order for that third tag today. Since I had to convo it on Etsy, it was easy to find the same vendor. And our previous back-and-forth about the details of the present.  I kept my message to her short and direct about the new tag order. And of course, she offered me her congratulations and shared her latest baby news. I almost let it pass. But then I realized that I didn't want to miss the opportunity to let her know how special the tag was - the one she was going to create for us. Because we had a third child. It's just that she died.