Next season

I just watched the season premiere of Scandal. Olivia is no longer going by "Olivia." She is now "Julia." And Mellie is mourning the death of her son. Her entire demeanor has changed, from prim and proper to flamboyant and flippant. 

In a poignant scene, she and her husband visit their son's grave. She is at the foot of his stone, laying down in the grass and staring upwards.

It takes me a moment to process it. I think about how sad it must be to lose a child. And then I remember a split second later that I know how it feels.

I wear so many hats during the day. Mom, sister, wife and daughter.  There are times where I forget who I am. Who I have been. And I don't get nearly enough time to think about who I want to be. There are diapers to change, tears to wipe and Legos to step over.  

Isaac

Just over three weeks ago we welcomed a healthy baby boy into our family. He is warm, fuzzy and smells like butterscotch.  

I was relieved that labor went so well. Several days of maybe, followed by a morning of "go wake up the midwife NOW!"  It was a planned home birth and he arrived in the water, just like his biggest sister.

As a family, it's been a welcoming period of adjustment. I feel like I've been holding my breath for months. And now that he is here, it feels surreal. 

There's an incredible mount of healing that comes from nuzzling his sweet head. I can't help but think about how all our lives would be different had Sarah lived. And now our path changes again with this little dude, our Isaac.