I'm amazed at the sophisticated conversations I'm now able to have with my six year old. On the way home today from our Sukkot celebration he asked me what happens when everyone dies.
Everyone.
So we talked about how everyone doesn't die at once - and that most people do not know WHEN they will die - and that this isn't something he needs to worry about. What's important now is that we love each other and we do our best to be kind.
Besides, I said, maybe someday you will get married and have kids. And then your kids will have kids. And then you will be a Zeyde (a grandpa). He smiled, then replied, "Maybe I will marry Nomi.... Maybe."
Earlier in the day I had carefully brought up Halloween. I reminded him that we needed to start thinking about costumes. Did he remember last year? Did he remember that I wasn't there to take him trick-or-treating? In fact he did, and gave me some details.
Then he frowned and asked why I hadn't been there.
I don't think anyone ever told him that I was in the hospital. That I was in labor. And that it was the day that Sarah died. He was young, no one wanted to scare him, so he was pushed through the day in the most normal way possible. Which was necessary and appropriate.
But now he is six, and his capacity to process has grown. So we talked about it. His eyes went big and his eyebrows wiggled around. "Mama, did you cry? Mama, were you so sad that you cried even when you were asleep?"
Yes. I did. And I sometimes still do. Which is why it's important to say the "I love yous" and pause for the big hugs. To love and be kind. Because sometimes the days are long, but the years are short.
